Oh I have lots and lots of fears, as my husband often reminds me.
"what is the worst that can happen"
I know I need to over come my fears.
One of my major fears, which no one would probably guess is a fear of closeness.
I have always felt that if I become a
'close' friend to someone then I have to pour my heart out to them. I know that is not the case, but I guess I feel that if I told someone everything about me, then I fear that would hide or run from me or not want to know me.
Dont get me wrong, I have lots of friends, but not one of them I would call a
'close' friend. Not even my husband. He has to
'drill' information from me.
Maybe it comes back to me needing to accept me and have self-respect. To respect myself that some things in life will stay close to me and some things you can share.
I am not sure how to even write how I feel about my fear of closeness.
I am a shy person, I dont like attention and dont like walking in on a big group of poeple. I would prefer to sit in the car and watch and observe from there. I do often come away and think about what happened and wish that I could have strength to enter the group, join in the conversation.. but I just cant.. again it comes to my fear of closeness.
I really need to work on my fear and overcome that.
Then I would feel more accepted of others.
But I was so very proud of myself this week.
I saw two of my friends chatting at the shops, normally I would be sneaky and pretend not to see them, or go a different way, but this time.. I didn't. I walk pass, I stop, and I chatted.
It was great.
I felt great.
I overcame.
I want to remember this feeling :)
Big clap for me!